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Maybe he could have won the next war he started Official Brian Signature Thanks Shirt, but SOMEONE got drunk with their friends and vandalized a lot of religious icons all over Athens (Chopping dicks off of statues) just before they were going to sail out to conquer stuff. This upset some people. Because of politics, the trial was delayed, but he was recalled to stand trial in the middle of the ongoing Official Brian Signature Thanks Shirt. Alcibiades figured since his minions and friends were all with him, the people who remained in Athens and could participate in the jury for this trial were probably people who didn’t like him very much, and also he had probably slept with half their wives. So he bribed his guards and slipped ashore somewhere in Italy. First betrayal. Sentenced to death in absentia. He made his way to Sparta. Being an aristocrat and a good actor, he threw some money around and was welcomed with open arms. Also, he sold some Athenian war secrets to the Spartans, which helped tremendously with the war Official Brian Signature Thanks Shirt.

And then he knocked up the Spartan queen. Fun Official Brian Signature Thanks Shirt, the Spartans did not like it when foreigners knocked up their queens. So Alcibiades had to flee again. Betrayal number two. He fled to Persia, a big powerful empire that was funding the Spartans. Alcibiades made a possibly at least partly successful attempt to convince the regional leader/Satrap to stop bankrolling the Spartans, and instead give a little aid to whoever was losing at the moment. We sincerely don’t know how successful he was. But he sent people to Athens who pretended he had it in the bag. Only. You see, the Persians just don’t trust democracy :(, would you please overthrow the democracy just temporarily so we can get the Persians onboard with the free money plan and win this war? This plot somehow succeeded, and Athens abandoned their democracy. And then Alcibiades went in person to the Athenian fleet, made up of dirty Official Brian Signature Thanks Shirt, and told them.

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“Oh my god, you guys! The evil aristocrats have Official Brian Signature Thanks Shirt overthrown the democracy! This is terrible! Elect me the leader of the fleet and I will conquer Athens and restore the democracy!” So the Athenian fleet rebelled, with Alcibiades at the helm. The city negotiated peace immediately, restored the democracy, and declared Alcibiades innocent of the whole drunken thing. I count this as a betrayal against Persia because he thoroughly embarrassed the satrap in question, and abused guest rights, and so on. However, you could also say he betrayed Athens again by leading their own navy in rebellion, however briefly. The thing is, he was actually really good at military tactics and strategy. He kept control of the fleet, and he knew in excellent detail what war secrets some scoundrel had leaked to the Spartans, so he was able to minimize the damage from Official Brian Signature Thanks Shirt.

So for a few years, Athens regained the initiative, and they kept gaining ground against the Official Brian Signature Thanks Shirt. But, Alcibiades got a little too careless again. Slept with a few too many wives, got too drunk on the job, openly gave away important positions to his friends, based on personal loyalty to him instead of merit. He was accused of corruption (Shocking) and decided hey fuck you, I’m going back to Persia. That’s four. Ancient historians disagree on how he died. He met with the Persian 4 Delighted My Hero Todoroki Shirt, who said “Baby, you are way too hot right now, you need to cool off for a few years.” So he sent Alcibiades to live in boring comfort in a countryside mansion for a bit. At this point either Spartan assassins finally caught up to Official Brian Signature Thanks Shirt, or he seduced the virgin daughter of the local aristocrat, and her brothers burned down his mansion to show how much they didn’t like that.

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